Daddy Issues

father (noun) - a man who has begotten a child; a male parent; a father-in-law, stepfather, or adoptive father

Today is Father's Day -- a day set aside to honor the fathers in our lives. As a little girl I always looked forward to this day because I loved to show my dad how thankful I was to have him as a father. I was a Daddy's Girl. We were inseparable-- whether we were chatting up a storm at the kitchen table, cracking jokes on each other, or going out to eat at our favorite diner. It is one of my favorite past times.

It's so hard to believe the distance between us now. We are practically strangers. The only connection I have to him is my mother. Once I got pregnant with my oldest child our relationship changed drastically. The closeness we once had was gone and neither one of us knew how to deal with it. Even after ten years, it still stings sometimes. The father I once had is gone. He's alive, but not present. There is a different type of emptiness from never having known your father to knowing him and your relationship ceases to exist. I had the best father/daughter relationship that shattered because he didn't agree with the decisions that I made in my life. I can understand the disappointment my father has had, but I feel like the last ten years of my life would have been different had he played as active a role in my life as he did for 18 years.

But...I can't live my life as a grown woman looking back on the last ten years of my relationship with my father. I am and will always be willing to rekindle our relationship. In the meantime, I will be grateful for the relationship my children have with my husband-- their father. We have both learned a lot about ourselves and parenting based on our relationships with our fathers-- what to do and what not to do.

I've only barely scratched the surface of my father/daughter relationship (I would need pages of blogs to explain it all) but I am thankful for the years my father poured into me. Hence, this day being bittersweet for me. It fills me with joy seeing my daughter with her father. He loves her, reassures her, and empowers her. I pray that everything I lacked as a girl/woman he gives to her. I know he will.

  Happy Father's Day!