It's 4:44...

Yes, I am a Christian. I'm not perfect, but I grew up in the Lord.  Yes, I am writing about Hip-Hop. And no, I'm not lost or sold out. 

I don't follow celebrity scoop at all. The scoop is plastered all over the media, but it doesn't move me. There are some celebrities that I really like, but even I don't usually know what's the latest buzz on them.

I grew up in urban Jersey City (pre-gentrification). Back when we used to sit on our porches in the summer, run to the Mister Softee truck on the corner of Monmouth Street, and when we could afford to shop at Newport Mall. Jersey City before the yuppies took over, before all the high-rises were built, when rent was affordable and life was different. Growing up in an urban community, music was an outlet for almost everyone. It's what brought people together. Nothing beats 90s Hip-Hop and R&B. I used to love that music. When beats were simple but still dope. Yes, I used dope as an adjective. Carry on. As the 2000s came and rolled by, music changed. The message changed. I stopped listening because I couldn't relate and simply couldn't feel a thing. It didn't tug at my heart strings or make me evaluate my life. It just didn't do a thing. Being a mother also didn't motivate to even give this "new" era of music a try. I didn't want my children being influenced by garbage, so I mostly listened to Christian music, but still listened to older music. My kids are now 10, almost 6, and 7. They soak in information like sponges. They have their own taste in music, preferably electronica and dubstep, and I'm okay with that. My daughter has no idea who Beyonce is, but she does know her one song "Run the World (Girls)" because we dance to it at least a couple of times a week in the kitchen. Mother/Daughter Moments. Beyonce. Beyonce. Then there's Jay-Z. I won't call myself a fan because I don't really listen to his music, but I do remember rockin' to "Big Pimpin" back in 2000. That definitely was a hit in Summer 2000. I don't know much about Jay, but I definitely know he's a big asset to the Hip-Hop culture. Remember that song Hard Knock Life? I definitely enjoyed that song and I was about 11 years old when that one came out and remember my dad blasting that song and just completely being in his element. It's 2017 and the #couplegoals and #marriagegoals are Beyonce and Jay-Z. Fans love them. The industry loves them. Celebrities love them. Bey & Jay.

"My heart breaks for the day I had to explain my mistakes..." -Jay-Z, 4:44 

On June 30th, Jay-Z decided to hit us with 4:44. This couple likes to drop bombs. Beyonce dropped Lemonade in early 2016 and everyone was sipping on that. They loved it, but folks had questions. Who is Becky with the good hair? Did he really cheat? Questions and more questions. Beyonce came out with this album in the middle of my heartbreak. I listened. I cried. And cried. And cried. But there they were plastered all over the media looking happy as can be. And I was sad and lonely. I opened up my Tidal app and took a listen. I listened to all the track of this new Jay album, and it reminded me of that 90s Hip-Hop I used to love, but nothing moved me up until I got to the song titled 4:44. Yes, I cried. I shed some tears. This man addressed the rumors and didn't have to. I didn't cry because of the exposure, but because restoration of marriage/relationships is real. Read my previous blog and you'll see what I mean. It doesn't matter how big of a career they have, how much money is in their bank account, or how many fans they have, this is life. I am all for love. I love love. Most importantly, it took time for them to heal. They're probably still healing now, and it is nobody's business. We sometimes tend to idolize people forgetting that they're human. Celebrities themselves forget that their human. They're not larger than life and are not exempt from struggles and marital woes. Music is therapeutic. I won't be jumping on this "Bey and Jay" bandwagon, but I can definitely respect and appreciate authenticity. I know this album addressed other issues that we are facing today, but this one song took it home for me. It's deeper than him addressing "Becky." He addresses his emotional absence in his marriage and his example to his children. He confesses his weaknesses and humbles himself to his wife and family. He acknowledges his wrong. This is self-reflection. I won't Jay-Z as an artist because his music doesn't really move me to do so, and I don't prefer his references to himself as HOV, or his previous references to God. On that same token, I won't persecute him, but I will give credit where it is due. I'm glad that this album speaks authenticity that I've yet to hear in any genre of music including Christian music. I doubt a Christian artist has exposed their sin through lyrics in a song to help others break through. I respect Jay's revelation in his life and hope that humility comes back in style...for the culture.